Managing Challenging Behaviours in Children and Young People

Introduction

Bringing up and looking after children is extremely rewarding but is no easy feat for parents and caregivers. There may be instances where children and young people behave in a challenging way that is difficult to understand and manage. It can be distressing, stressful and exhausting to know what to do in these situations, especially in public.

All children will exhibit challenging behaviour at some point. They may get angry, upset and frustrated. Depending on their age and developmental stage, they may also have odd tantrums or outbursts. As they grow, they will learn to regulate their emotions and their behaviour will lessen. However, it is only when challenging behaviour becomes difficult for parents and caregivers to manage, that it can cause harm.

Challenging behaviour can have significant impacts on children and young people. It can affect their daily lives, ability to communicate and socialise with others and overall quality of life and future. It can also harm others around them, such as their families, teachers, peers and friends. Therefore, it is important to understand and effectively manage these behaviours.

With appropriate guidance, support and strategies, challenging behaviour can be managed, thus making a positive difference in the lives of children and young people and those around them. If you are a parent or caregiver, this blog will provide valuable insights into challenging behaviour and practical strategies for managing it.

Understanding Challenging Behaviours

Challenging behaviour can vary widely and be complex, so it is important to understand what it means, and the common types and causes.

Definition and Examples

The Challenging Behaviour Foundation defines challenging behaviour as:

“Challenging behaviour is a term that refers to any behaviour which presents a serious risk to the person themselves and/or a challenge to those supporting them.”

Various types of challenging behaviour exist, and some examples include:

• Physical aggression, e.g. hitting, kicking, biting, scratching, snatching, pinching, spitting, pushing, head-butting, or hair-pulling.
• Verbal aggression, e.g. shouting, screaming, being unkind and rude, or swearing.
• Self-harm, e.g. hurting themselves, such as eye poking, head banging, or hand biting.
• Destructiveness, e.g. throwing things or damaging property/belongings.
• Disruptiveness, e.g. interrupting activities/routines, getting into trouble at school, or refusing to follow instructions.
• Impulsivity, e.g. taking risks and not thinking about the consequences.
• Tantrums, e.g. intense emotional outbursts.
• Non-verbal, e.g. sulking, soiling, faecal smearing, running off, sexualised behaviour, not engaging, withdrawing, or removing clothes in public.
• Eating inedible objects (pica), e.g. pen lids and cigarette butts.

These behaviours are usually caused by children’s needs not being met, stressors or because they are in emotional distress.

Common Causes

Challenging behaviour in children and young people can have many causes, including:

Communication and social difficulties

• Struggling to express needs or feelings.
• Wanting to get attention and be noticed by others.

Developmental factors

• Age-related behavioural stages and phases, e.g. the ‘terrible twos’.
• Lack of emotional and social skills, especially in younger children.
• Developmental disorders, e.g. autism spectrum disorder (ASD).
• Hormonal fluctuations, e.g. transition from childhood to adolescence.

Emotional and psychological influences

• Emotional distress.
• Confusion.
• Stress.
• Mental health issues, such as anxiety and trauma.
• Feelings of anger and frustration.
• A lack of attention.

Environmental factors

• Changes in routine.
• Lack of sleep.
• Poor diet and hunger.
• Educational setting and environment, e.g. school.
• Family dynamics.
• Peer relationships.
• The home environment.
• Under-stimulation or overstimulation.

Health issues

• Physical, e.g. toothaches, ear infections, or constipation.
• Untreated mental health issues.

Special needs considerations, e.g. disabilities and learning difficulties

• Autism
• ADHD
• Sensory processing issues.

Identifying the root causes of the challenging behaviour is essential for providing appropriate support and interventions, and managing it effectively.

CPD Online College has further information on the causes here.

Effective Strategies for Managing Challenging Behaviours

Although it may feel like an impossible task, it is possible to manage challenging behaviour effectively with various strategies, and here are some examples.

Remaining Calm and Consistent

Most parents have been in a situation where their child is exhibiting challenging behaviour in public, such as in a shop, restaurant or park, while members of the public look on in disapproval. It can be tricky and stressful for parents and caregivers to navigate these situations, especially if the child has a condition, such as autism.

Whether the challenging behaviour happens in public, at home or in another setting, it is vital to stay calm for several reasons:

• It helps de-escalate the situation, whereas reacting with frustration or anger can worsen the behaviour.
• It sets a positive example when you model the right behaviour and show that difficult situations can be handled without losing control.
• It enhances communication and allows you to think more clearly, actively listen, and respond thoughtfully.
• It prevents harm and creates a safer environment rather than escalating a situation, potentially resulting in physical or emotional harm.
• It helps to problem-solve, prevents you from being overwhelmed and promotes logical thinking to find solutions to the behaviour.

Consistency also plays a vital role in managing challenging behaviours in children and young people. It helps them understand your expectations of them and provides them with predictable routines, boundaries and rules, so they know what behaviours are acceptable and unacceptable. It also fosters trust and security, which helps them feel more secure, reduces confusion and enables them to manage their emotions and behaviours.

Being inconsistent and unpredictable with routines, responses and expectations can exacerbate challenging behaviour. It can lead to blurred boundaries where children do not understand the difference between right and wrong and they may also test these boundaries if you are not applying rules consistently. It can also make them feel like they are losing control, which can lead to outbursts.

Setting Clear Boundaries and Expectations

Many children and young people will test boundaries at some point to test their independence (YoungMinds). It is difficult to navigate when they consistently refuse boundaries, especially with challenging behaviour.

It is vital to establish clear age-appropriate rules, boundaries and expectations to manage challenging behaviour, which you can achieve by:

• Ensuring expectations are realistic and based on the child’s development stage, capabilities, and needs.
• Making rules positive and simple, and using age-appropriate language, e.g. instead of saying “That’s rude”, say “Be kind”.
• Agreeing as a family on things, such as bedtimes, family meals and screen time.
• Adhering to set boundaries as much as possible, as children are less likely to stick to them if they keep changing.
• Being explicit and clearly explaining which behaviours are acceptable and unacceptable and why. For example, if a child is hitting, explain to them that people do not hit others, as it can hurt.
• Modelling the desired behaviours, as children (especially younger children) learn through imitation.
• Teaching social skills and encouraging participation in activities that involve sharing, taking turns, communicating and resolving conflicts.
• Adjusting boundaries as children develop and move through various developmental stages.

It is also essential to communicate these rules, boundaries, and expectations clearly and ensure everyone enforces them consistently to avoid confusion and misunderstandings and create a predictable environment. It will help children and young people understand and respect rules and consequences, and prevent frustration and outbursts.

Using Positive Reinforcement

Positive reinforcement is about encouraging desired behaviours by providing a reward immediately after they demonstrate desirable ones. Over time, children and young people will learn what you expect of them and will probably repeat these desired behaviours in the future. Many parents and caregivers find that positive reinforcement works better than punishment.

Example of positive reinforcement

A child struggles to complete an activity and usually gets upset and frustrated that they cannot do it. However, this time, they remain calm, which is the behaviour you want to reward.

Some examples of positive reinforcement techniques you can use include:

• Verbal praise and encouragement, e.g. “Well done”, “Good job”, “I am proud of you”.
• Physical gestures, e.g. hugs, high fives, thumbs up, clapping or pats on the back.
• Visual rewards, e.g. aids where children can see their progress, such as behaviour charts.
• Tangible rewards, e.g. stickers, money or small treats.Privilege-based incentives, e.g. extra playtime, screen time, or favourite activities.

The techniques will depend on the child involved, their preferences and situation. Always tailor rewards to enhance motivation and make the reinforcement more effective. It is also important to give the reward immediately after the desired behaviour to encourage it and help the child understand what they did well.

Using regular and consistent positive reinforcement can create a positive and supportive environment, building children’s and young people’s self-esteem and confidence, thus managing and potentially improving challenging behaviour.

Teaching Emotional Regulation

Emotions are complex and play a vital role in development and behaviour. Children will go through various emotional development stages as they grow. They will start to recognise and express their emotions and understand their feelings.

Children and young people with challenging behaviour can find it difficult to express their feelings and process and regulate their emotions, leading to outbursts, acting impulsively and further distress. Those who self-regulate are more likely to do well in education and socially.

It is important to help them understand and manage their emotions and develop emotional regulation skills for their overall success and well-being. Some examples of techniques for emotional regulation include:

Co-Regulation

• This is where a caregiver will provide support and comfort when a child experiences distress and help them to understand their emotions and calm down.

Create a safe and supportive environment

• Provide security, safety, consistency and comfort to foster trusting relationships with children. It will help them better manage their emotions.

Model good behaviour

• Talk about your own feelings, and how you manage them and avoid negative behaviours.
• Show them that having feelings is ok but certain behaviours are unacceptable.
• Demonstrate healthy emotional regulation to set a good example, as children will learn through observation.

Teach emotional awareness

• Encourage children to recognise and understand their emotions and name them.
• Start with the 6 key emotions that people have and are feeling; happy, sad, scared, angry, worried, or bored.
• Ask them to show their feelings through drawings or making faces.
• You can even use books, role play or films to explain emotions and discuss characters’ feelings.

Talk about emotions

• Regularly talk about feelings to make it easier for children to express themselves and learn that emotions are normal.

Teach coping strategies

• Demonstrate various simple techniques and tools that children and young people can use to manage their emotions, e.g. taking a break, counting to ten, calming down corners or deep breathing.

Use positive reinforcement

• Provide praise and encouragement or other rewards, when children and young people exhibit good emotional regulation.
• It can motivate them to repeat these behaviours in the future.

Be patient and consistent

• Provide consistent support and be patient, as emotional regulation skills develop over time.

Further information

• Department for Education – Help for early years providers : Emotions.
• Parents – Emotional Regulation Skills: What Parents Need to Teach Their Kids.
• Twinkl – Self-Regulation Activities.

Implementing Time-Outs and Consequences

Time-out is a useful behavioural management technique that can be an effective cooling-off period when used correctly. The principal aims of a time-out are to:

• Prevent the situation from escalating when emotions are running high
• Provide a safe space for the child/young person and parent/caregiver to calm down.
• Allow children/young people to cool off, regain control of their emotions and reflect on their actions.

Here are some things to consider when implementing time-outs:

• Choose a time-out area where they can calm down and relax. It should be a quiet and non-stimulating space without distractions, such as screens or toys, e.g. a chair facing a blank wall or a quiet corner.
• Use time-outs consistently and fairly by providing clear rules on the behaviours that will cause a time-out and how long they will last. It is better to keep them short, i.e. one to five minutes.
• Explain the reason for the time-out so they understand why it is necessary, and the expected behaviours. Use simple and clear language.
• Follow up after the time-out and calmly discuss the behaviour with them.

It is important not to make time-outs about shaming, but some academics recommend making it boring, and using it sparingly and for clear disciplinary situations (BBC Future).

Applying logical and appropriate consequences for challenging behaviour can also be an effective way to help children and young people understand the impact of their actions and encourage positive behaviour. The key principles are:

• Consequences should be directly related to the behaviour, e.g. ask a child should clear up rubbish after they have thrown it on the floor.
• Consequences should be respectful, e.g. do not blame and shame.
• Consequences should be reasonable, i.e. age-appropriate, fair and proportionate to the behaviour.
• Consequences should be applied immediately after the behaviour, as it helps the child connect the outcome with their actions.

When applying logical and appropriate consequences, it is important to:

• Be clear about the behaviour and consequence, e.g. “If you do not do your chores, there will be no screen time, but if you do your chores now, you can have screen time after”.
• Be consistent in helping children and young people to understand expectations and consequences.
• Combine consequences with positive reinforcement.
• Give them second chances, as it can sometimes be effective. If the negative behaviour continues, then apply the logical consequence.

Seeking Professional Support

Perhaps you have tried everything yourself to manage your child’s challenging behaviour but to no avail or it is severe or persistent and you do not know what else to do? In these situations, it is vital to seek professional support and also if:

• Current strategies and interventions are not effective in managing the behaviour.
• It significantly impacts your child’s and family’s daily lives.
• Their behaviour is posing a risk to themselves or others, e.g. self-harm or aggression.
• They are finding it difficult to socialise and participate in everyday activities.
• It is suspected that undiagnosed physical, emotional or mental health issues are the cause, e.g. illness, anxiety, depression or other psychological conditions.

Getting an appointment with your GP is typically the first step, as they can then refer your child to a specialist, such as a psychologist, therapist or behavioural specialist. They can help in various ways and may:

• Conduct specialised assessments to identify the cause of the behaviour.
• Develop personalised support plans that provide proactive and reactive strategies and techniques to help manage the behaviour.
• Provide access to various tailored therapies.
• Give advice and information on new approaches and support.
• Signpost to other services that can help, e.g. mental health professionals and support networks.
• Provide support and training to parents and caregivers.

The Challenging Behaviour Foundation has further information here.

Supporting Positive Behaviour Development

Create a supportive environment, encourage social skills, promote independence and foster resilience to help manage challenging behaviour in children and young people.

Creating a Supportive Environment

When creating a supportive environment, three key areas play a crucial role: routines, clear communication, and a secure environment.

Routines

Children thrive on routines, as it makes their world predictable and comforting (Barnardo’s Family Space) and it provides a sense of security and safety. When routines are consistent, e.g. family mealtimes and bedtimes, they know what to expect and it reduces uncertainty, anxiety and the likelihood of challenging behaviour.

Clear communication

Many children with challenging behaviour can find it difficult to express themselves, which can lead to frustration, anger, sadness, misunderstandings and outbursts. It is vital to use clear communication to manage challenging behaviour, meaning:

• Using simple, age-appropriate and direct language when speaking to them.
• Actively listening to them, i.e. without judgment or interruption, demonstrating understanding and empathy, and responding appropriately.
• Trying not to get frustrated or angry. Avoid shouting, even if tensions are running high.
• Tailoring communication to their needs, e.g. using visual aids and other methods where needed.

Secure environment

Children need to feel physically and emotionally safe, secure and supported in the home, educational setting or community. It is vital to create a supportive and secure environment to manage challenging behaviour, which you can achieve by:

• Clear rules, boundaries and expectations and enforcing them consistently.
• Positive reinforcement and celebrating their achievements, no matter how small.
• Removing potential triggers from the environment where possible.

Creating a secure environment will help children and young people feel valued and respected, which can reduce the occurrence of challenging behaviours.

Encouraging Social Skills

Challenging behaviour can sometimes be caused by children and young people lacking social skills and struggling to process their feelings to behave appropriately. Also, these negative behaviours can affect their social interactions and skill development, thus impacting their overall quality of life.

It is important to teach children and young people social skills and model good manners, sharing, and cooperation. Some of the following strategies may help:

Teach social skills directly

• Teach children and young people social skills, e.g. introduce role play, games and projects to teach them how to share, cooperate and be well-mannered, and learn appropriate social interactions and responses.
• There are also social stories, which can be effective, as they describe specific events, situations and activities and tell children and young people what to expect and why.

Model appropriate social behaviours

• Children, especially those younger, learn through observation and copying adults.
• Model desired social behaviours to set a good example, e.g. say “Please” and “Thank you”, demonstrate taking turns, conflict resolution and sharing resources.

Use positive reinforcement

• When children display desired behaviours, such as taking turns, sharing, cooperating and politeness, give them rewards, e.g. praise and encouragement.
• Using positive reinforcement will encourage them to repeat these positive behaviours in the future.

Provide opportunities for social interaction

• It will help children and young people practice and develop social skills if they have opportunities to interact with other children and adults.
• Ensure they are age-appropriate and are of interest, and provide opportunities for them to share, cooperate and take turns.
• It is important to be mindful of their triggers when looking for opportunities.
• Examples include playgroups, community events and structured events.
• There are also support groups and events specific to children and families struggling with challenging behaviour.

Promoting Independence

Independence is an essential part of children’s growth and development. It encourages them to make decisions, take reasonable risks and become more responsible as they grow. Allowing age-appropriate choices and responsibilities is crucial for children and young people with challenging behaviour for many reasons, including:

It gives them a sense of achievement when they complete tasks independently, thus boosting their self-esteem and confidence.

It enables them to develop vital lifelong skills, such as:

• Problem-solving – solving problems by themselves can help them analyse and think critically.
• Communication – when children and young people are given more independence, they usually have better communication skills. It will help them express their needs and feelings more effectively, thus helping to manage challenging behaviour.
• Adaptability and resilience – teaching children how to face challenges independently and learn from their failures can help them become more resilient and adaptable, which are vital for overcoming obstacles.
• Self-reliance – being more independent will help children and young people become more self-reliant. They are unlikely to need constant supervision and can manage routines and make decisions.

Overall, promoting independence can positively impact their academic performance, relationships, future careers and overall well-being.

Children and young people can be taught to be more independent by providing age-appropriate tasks, such as assisting with chores, e.g. cleaning and meal preparation, or organising fun activities. Gradually increase the complexity of tasks when they demonstrate their readiness. They should also be encouraged to embrace challenges, take risks and see failures as opportunities for learning.

When promoting independence in children and young people with challenging behaviour, there can often be power struggles, which can be tricky to balance. To reduce power struggles:

• Allow them to make age-appropriate decisions.
• Empower them to make positive decisions by guiding them to make the right ones rather than telling them what to do. Always use positive language.
• Offer choices to provide them with a sense of control.
• Reframe challenging situations to help them look at alternative solutions and use their imagination to make decisions.
• Allow them to take responsibility for their actions and provide appropriate support.

It is not about giving in or winning, it is about fostering independence to help them manage challenging behaviour and succeed in the future.

Fostering Resilience

Resilience gives children and young people the strength to cope with stress, adapt to challenging situations and bounce back in the face of adversity. To help children and young people with challenging behaviour, it is important to teach them problem-solving skills to foster resilience, which you can do by:

Modelling effective problem-solving

• When you encounter a problem, talk through how you will deal with it.
• It will help them observe how you approach and solve problems.

Breaking down tasks

• Help children and young people break down tasks into smaller and manageable steps.
• Get them to look at each step and identify solutions for each one.
• Identify which steps they can do on their own and those where they need support.
• It can help them learn more effectively and promote independence.

Problem-solving activities

• Introduce age-appropriate activities that require children and young people to solve problems, for example:
• Games, e.g. board games and online games.
• Puzzles, e.g. jigsaws and puzzle books.
• Role-playing.
• Activity books.
• Social stories.
• Real-life scenarios, e.g. using maths when shopping.
• Family problems, e.g. planning a family outing.
• Ask them to identify solutions to these problems and discuss potential outcomes.
• Tailor activities to their learning styles, e.g. if they learn better visually, use visual aids such as pictures, charts and diagrams.
• There are further ideas for activities on:
• BBC Bitesize – Parents’ Toolkit.
• Twinkl – Problem Solving for Kids.
• Understood – 6 great board games to boost critical thinking in teens and tweens.

Involve them in decision-making

• Provide children and young people with opportunities to make decisions in a controlled environment, e.g. at home, you could ask them to look into the best plants for bees and allow them to choose ones that will go into the garden.
• Use guiding questions to help them identify their own solutions rather than directing them to answers.
• Allow them to practice problem-solving, as it helps build their self-esteem and confidence.

Allow them to make mistakes

• Making mistakes and learning from them is a good way to improve problem-solving skills.
• It helps children and young people reflect on what went wrong, how they would do things differently and adjust their solutions.

Another way of helping children and young people is by encouraging them to learn from natural consequences, which are the direct result of their actions. For example, if they leave their favourite teddy outside, it may rain and get wet, dirty and damaged. It is important to guide and support them through this process by:

Explaining what natural consequences are so they understand the cause-and-effect relationship.

Letting them experience natural consequences. However, still offer advice and guidance, e.g. remind them to bring their toys in from outside if it is forecast to rain but allow them to decide whether they will or not.

Supporting them as they face the consequences of their actions by:

• Acknowledging their feelings.
• Being empathetic and understanding.
• Help them process what happened.
• Discuss with them what they could do differently in the future.

Using natural consequences safely and appropriately but not putting them at risk of harm or allowing them to face severe consequences. It should be tailored to their age and development stage. For example, a child may not want suncream applied in hot weather. However, it would not be appropriate to let them experience the consequences of this decision, as there is a risk of sunburn and future health issues.

Using positive reinforcement when they make good and responsible decisions, i.e. they collect their toys from outside. Praise and encouragement can reinforce the benefits of good decisions and they are likely to make similar choices in the future.

Having discussions and reflections with them after a natural consequence and talking about what happened and what lessons they have learned from the experience. It will help them to think more about their future actions.

Using logical consequences (i.e. directly related to the behaviour) as well as natural ones, e.g. if a child does not do their chores, they will lose some of their free time to complete them.

Conclusion

Challenging behaviour can be difficult for children and their parents and caregivers, and there are many types and causes. It can have significant effects on children’s and young people’s academic performance, relationships and futures if not effectively managed. Frequent and severe incidents can also affect their day-to-day activities and overall well-being and quality of life.

It is vital to identify the root causes and triggers of the challenging behaviour to find appropriate strategies and provide effective and tailored support. It will help address the specific needs of children and young people, thus improving outcomes. You can apply the strategies discussed to create a positive environment and help prevent and manage these behaviours.

If you are struggling with your child’s challenging behaviour and have tried to manage it yourself but with no success, it is vital to seek advice from a healthcare professional, such as a GP, who may refer them to a specialist. There is also further information, advice, and support from various organisations and charities:

• National Autistic Society – Behaviour.
• Contact – for families with disabled children.
• Family Lives – Parenting advice and family support.
• Mencap – for children with learning disabilities.
• Mentally Healthy Schools – Challenging behaviours.
• NHS – Dealing with child behaviour problems.
• NHS – How to deal with challenging behaviour in children.
• Support for Parents from Action For Children – Feelings and behaviour.
• The Challenging Behaviour Foundation.
• YoungMinds – Challenging Behaviour – Parents’ Guide To Support.

While it can be distressing, frustrating and stressful to deal with challenging behaviour, remember managing it is a journey that requires patience and consistency. It is also important to look after yourself, practice self-care to manage stress and prevent burnout, and seek support where needed, such as respite care services.