Parenting styles and family structures

Generally speaking parenting styles fall into three main categories:-

• Authoritarian
• Permissive
• Authoritative

Let us now look at these styles in more detail:-

Authoritarian

This type of parenting tends to be controlling. These parents have many rules in an attempt to manage the behaviour of their children. Quite often authoritarian parents have very high expectations of their children which can often be difficult for the child to achieve.

Permissive

This tends to be the opposite of authoritarian. Permissive parents allow their children the freedom of choice. Often children with permissive parents are more difficult to manage when it comes to behaviour because they have been allowed much more freedom than other children.  Although choice and responsibility are good for children, it is also essential that they are not allowed an excessive amount of freedom and it should be remembered that boundaries are essential in order for children to feel safe and secure.

Authoritative

This is the category which most parents fall into. Authoritative parents attempt to manage and control their child’s behaviour in a way which enables them to be accepted into society. They take the time to listen to their children and to explain rules and expectations.

Family structures also have an enormous effect on parenting styles and the main structures are as follows:-

• The nuclear family
• The extended family
• The single parent family
• The homosexual or lesbian family
• The reconstituted family
• The adoptive family

The nuclear family

This type of family structure consists of both parents and their children living together and sharing the responsibility of caring for their children.

The extended family

This type of family structure consists of parents, children and relatives all living close by and sometimes even in the same house and sharing the responsibility of bringing up the children.  Extended family structures were traditional in this country for centuries and are still common practice in many parts of the world.

The single parent family

This type of family structure consists of one parent living on their own with their children.  This type of family occurs when the parents have divorced or separated, when one parent has died or when a woman has actively chosen to have a child without the support of the father.

The homosexual/lesbian family

This type of family structure consists of one natural parent living with a partner of the same sex, along with their children.

The reconstituted family

This type of family structure consists of one natural parent and one step parent living together with the children.

The adoptive family

This type of family structure consists of a child who is not living with one or both of their natural parents.  Sometimes the child may be unaware that they are adopted and therefore appear to be part of a nuclear family structure.

Parents/carers and indeed, their children, require different things from childcare and it is the responsibility of the practitioners to accommodate their wishes as much as possible.  Influencing factors could well be the age and stage of development of the child.  Generally speaking parents/carers are looking for childcare which offers their child the chance to be in a stimulating, safe environment.  Additional factors they may be looking for are:-

• A loving, caring environment
• A chance to mix with other children
• A chance to build on their confidence
• A start to the child’s education
• A variety of experiences
• An established routine which their child can relate to

Parents/carers are more emotionally involved with their own children however that is not to say that practitioners cannot be a valued part of the family.  It is essential that the practitioner does not do all the talking and initiate all the practice and parents are expected to listen to and agree to what is said.  A partnership is a two way agreement where views and ideas are shared, discussed and acted upon in the best interests of the child.

Practitioners need to remember that not all parents/carers are forthright and some may not like confrontation of any kind.  For these parents/carers speaking up, making a suggestion or voicing a concern may be difficult and silence should never be seen as an agreement.  Parents/carers can of course ‘vote with their feet’ and find another child care provision, however with good partnerships built on mutual trust and respect most problems can be sorted out. The alternative to a practitioner making all the decisions is the reverse; when parents/carers may demand more than you can give or, indeed are prepared to give.  If a parent/carer makes a request which you know you will find hard to carry out you must inform them.  Often the initial discussion is all that is needed to clear things up whereas promising to do something and then letting the parent/carer down at a later date can be more troublesome.

There is nothing wrong with allowing both yourself and the parent/carer time to think about an issue which has been discussed and often avoiding a quick response is the best solution. Giving yourself time to think about a request is both professional and beneficial and if you then need to tell a parent/carer that you cannot agree to something they have requested they will at least know that you have thought about, and considered, their proposal before giving an answer.

There may be times when, no matter how hard you try, you cannot agree with a parent/carer on something.  In cases such as these we sometimes have to compromise and agree to disagree.  This does not mean that the partnership has failed, it simply means that two sets of people have differing views.  Parents/carers should never be labelled as being ‘difficult’ and parents should not be viewed as a ‘whole’ but as ‘individuals’.  To support positive relationships it may be beneficial to sit down and think about why you take this view.  What makes you prefer other parents/carers to this one?  Have you had an altercation in the past?  Who do you feel is responsible for the way you feel and why?

Considering the way we make our own assumptions of people can help when we reflect on the relationships we have with others.  It may be that a parent/carer, for whatever reason, does not feel welcome in the setting.  This may be something that you are unaware of or something that you have said or done unintentionally however discussing your own behaviour with colleagues can often cast light on problems you have otherwise been unaware of.