All about Congruence

Congruence is a key concept in psychology, particularly in humanistic therapy. It refers to the alignment between our self-concept and actual experiences. It is about being genuine and authentic and closely matching thoughts, feelings and behaviours. Therapists aim to help clients achieve congruence by fostering self-awareness and acceptance.

Congruence plays a significant role in the therapeutic relationship, education, business, and everyday life. It is a fundamental concept that helps maintain harmony and alignment across various aspects of life, education and work. This blog will explore this concept in further detail, including the meaning, significance and applications of congruence in psychology.

What Is Congruence?

Congruence refers to the alignment or harmony between a person’s self-concept (who they actually are or their real self) and who they want to be (ideal self). Essentially, it is about being true to ourselves and ensuring self-concept and ideal self are consistent and aligned.

The term “congruence” originates from Carl Rogers‘ humanistic theory of personality, developed in the 1950s. Rogers emphasised congruence as a core concept in his client-centred (or person-centred) therapy. He believed for an individual to achieve personal growth and self-actualisation, there needs to be congruence between their self-concept (how they view themselves) and their experiences in reality. When there is a mismatch or incongruence, it can lead to feelings of anxiety and dissatisfaction.

Congruence plays a critical role in mental health and well-being, for example:

• It allows us to live authentically, aligning our actions with our true beliefs and values, which enhances self-esteem and self-acceptance.
• It can reduce stress and anxiety and lead to a more balanced and peaceful state of mind when we are aligned with our true selves.
• Being congruent in interactions with people builds trust, deepens connections and encourages open communication and mutual respect, thus leading to healthier and more supportive relationships.
• It helps us manage emotions better, leading to greater emotional stability when accepting and aligning with our true feelings and thoughts.
• It allows us to pursue our true goals and aspirations, leading to a more fulfilling and purpose-driven life.
• It encourages continuous self-reflection and personal growth as we strive to align our real selves with our ideal selves.
• Aligning the inner self with external experiences can significantly improve mental health, reducing symptoms of depression, anxiety and other mental health problems, as it promotes a sense of coherence and meaning in life.

Congruence in Humanistic Psychology

Carl Rogers (1902-1987), a prominent figure in humanistic psychology and pioneer of person-centred therapy (Yao & Kabir, 2023), introduced the concept of congruence as a cornerstone of his theory of personality and therapeutic approach.

He emphasised the vital role of the therapeutic relationship in fostering congruence and suggested that three core conditions are necessary for effective therapy:

• Congruence (genuineness) – the therapist’s authenticity and transparency, without facade. It also involves the therapist modelling congruence for the client and encouraging them to be true to themselves.
• Unconditional positive regard – the therapist’s acceptance and support of the client regardless of what they say or do, creating a safe and non-judgmental environment.
• Empathy – the therapist’s ability to deeply understand and share their client’s feelings and experiences, providing a sense of being heard and valued.

These core conditions create a supportive environment where clients feel safe exploring their true feelings and experiences – enabling them to become more self-aware and align their self-concept with their real experiences. It can foster greater congruence and promote personal growth, authenticity and self-actualisation.

A study by Bayliss-Conway et al. (2020) found some initial evidence supporting Rogers’ (1957) theory that the conditions of the therapeutic relationship can lead to greater authenticity.

Rogers’ theory of conditions of worth and incongruence highlights how external pressures can affect our sense of self and mental health.

Conditions of worth

• Occurs when we feel we must meet expectations or standards imposed by others (e.g. parents, teachers, society and even ourselves) to gain acceptance, love or approval.
• These conditions can cause us to behave in ways that are not true to ourselves, striving to meet these external criteria instead of following our own desires and values.
• For example, a child only feels valued by their parents when they achieve high grades.

Incongruence

• A misalignment between our real self and our ideal self can lead to incongruence, which can cause anxiety, depression and low self-esteem:
• Anxiety – living up to external standards can create constant tension and worry about meeting others’ expectations.
• Depression – persistent incongruence can lead to feelings of hopelessness and dissatisfaction with ourselves.
• Low self-esteem – failure to live up to imposed standards can erode self-worth and confidence.
• Incongruence often stems from trying to meet external expectations rather than being true to ourselves.
• For example, if someone believes they must be constantly outgoing to be accepted but naturally feels more introverted, this creates internal conflict and incongruence.

Rogers believed it is crucial to reduce conditions of worth and foster congruence for personal growth and self-actualisation, which is what person-centred therapy aims to achieve. By being true to ourselves and not solely seeking external validation, we can lead more fulfilling and authentic lives and improve our mental health.

Person-centred therapy, which emphasises the therapist’s congruence, unconditional positive regard and empathy, aims to help clients achieve this state of congruence, empowering them to live in alignment with their true selves.

Congruence in the Therapeutic Relationship

Congruence plays a vital role in the therapeutic relationship. Therapist congruence refers to the therapist’s authenticity, transparency, self-awareness and genuineness in the therapeutic relationship, including the ability to share appropriate feelings with clients rather than just playing a role. It is important for the following reasons:

• It can foster trust with clients when therapists are genuine and authentic, a vital foundation for the therapeutic relationship.
• It can model healthy and authentic behaviour for clients, encouraging clients to be more open and honest.
• It ensures the therapist’s verbal and non-verbal cues match, reducing misunderstandings and fostering clearer communication.
• It can make clients feel safe and understood and establish an environment where they feel comfortable discussing sensitive issues.
• It can deepen the therapeutic relationship when interactions are authentic, thus facilitating more significant progress in therapy.
• It can make clients feel respected and valued, enhancing the overall therapeutic experience.

Overall, therapist congruence helps create a safe, trustworthy, and effective environment for clients – essential for achieving positive therapeutic outcomes.

Client congruence is also crucial in the therapeutic relationship and for effective therapy. It refers to the client’s ability to be genuine and authentic with themselves and their interactions with the therapist. It involves recognising and accepting their true feelings and experiences rather than presenting a false self or hiding behind defences. A congruent client is more likely to engage deeply in the therapeutic process and experience personal growth.

Therapy, when effective, is a process that can help clients reduce incongruence and accept themselves, which can be achieved by:

• Self-exploration – therapists encourage clients to explore their thoughts, feelings and behaviours without judgment, which helps clients become aware of their authentic selves.
• Awareness and insight – through reflection and discussion, clients gain insight into the discrepancies between their real self (who they are) and their ideal self (who they want to be).
• Acceptance and compassion – therapists help clients cultivate self-compassion and acceptance, encouraging them to embrace their true selves, including their strengths and imperfections.
• Authentic living – clients are supported in making choices and taking actions that are congruent with their true values and desires, leading to a more authentic and fulfilling life.

Therapy should enable clients to explore and align their real and ideal selves, which they can achieve by adopting techniques such as:

• Practising reflective listening, i.e. listening to what clients say and repeating back to them to help them hear and understand their own thoughts and feelings more clearly.
• Demonstrating empathy to validate clients’ experiences and help them feel more understood and less alone. It involves therapists deeply understanding and sharing the feelings of their clients, fostering connection and self-exploration.
• Providing a non-judgmental and accepting environment (unconditional positive regard) to help clients feel safe to express their true selves without fear of rejection.
• Exploring values and goals to help clients identify their core values and long-term goals. This process helps clients understand what truly matters to them and guides them in aligning their actions with these values.
• Self-reflection exercises, such as journaling, mindfulness and meditation, can help clients reflect on their experiences and emotions. These exercises promote self-awareness and help clients better understand their authentic selves.

Therapy aims to help clients bridge the gap between their real self and ideal self, reducing feelings of incongruence. As clients become more self-accepting, they can live more authentically, thus improving their mental health and well-being.

Long (2019) details the importance of congruence and assertiveness in the therapeutic relationship in an article here. Scott et al. (2023), in their study on therapist experiences of congruence in school-based counselling, found that a therapist’s personal self-disclosure was essential in facilitating a strong therapeutic alliance with children for one research participant and a central aspect of his experience of congruence with children.

Signs of Congruence

Spotting the signs of congruence involves observing several subtle yet significant aspects of a person’s behaviour and demeanour. Some examples may include:

• Self-awareness, i.e. being in tune with their feelings, thoughts and experiences.
• Aligning actions with inner thoughts, feelings, beliefs, behaviours and values – showing integrity and harmony between various aspects of their life.
• A balanced and accepting view of themselves, acknowledging both strengths and weaknesses without undue self-criticism or denial.
• Feelings of being genuine to themselves and not putting on a facade or acting in ways inconsistent with their beliefs and values.
• Being open to new experiences and willing to accept and express all emotions – both positive and negative.
• Able to set and pursue goals authentically and honouring commitments and principles.
• Transparent and straightforward communication and not hiding their true feelings and thoughts.
• Inner peace and reduced mental and emotional strain caused by conflicting internal voices.
• Taking responsibility for their actions and behaviours, owning up to mistakes rather than blaming others or making excuses.

These signs indicate that a person is living in alignment with their true self, leading to greater satisfaction and less psychological distress.

The Impact of Incongruence

Incongruence typically occurs when there is a significant gap between a person’s real self (who they truly are) and their ideal self (who they think they should be based on external expectations). It can manifest in many ways, for example:

• Emotional turmoil and confusion – when a person’s actions, thoughts, and feelings are misaligned, or there is a disconnect between their internal feelings and how they express themselves, it can lead to inner conflict, confusion and emotional distress.
• Negative self-perception and self-doubt – incongruence can cause individuals to see themselves in a negative light and suppress or deny their own true feelings and thoughts. It can diminish their sense of self-worth and lead to self-doubt, low self-esteem and a lack of confidence, as they may feel they are not being true to themselves.
• Difficulty making decisions – the lack of alignment between the real self and the ideal self can make it challenging to make decisions, as individuals are often torn between what they think they should do and what they truly want to do. They may struggle to choose a path that genuinely reflects their desires and values, leading to indecisiveness.
• Struggles in forming meaningful relationships – incongruence can hinder genuine connections with others, as individuals may struggle to be authentic and open, leading to difficulties in forming and maintaining meaningful relationships.

Some examples of real-life situations where incongruence might arise include:

• Professional life – a person chooses a career that does not align with their true interests or values because of external pressures, which leads them to feel dissatisfied, stressed and unfulfilled.
• Social situations – an individual feels anxious in social settings but pretends to be outgoing, which causes them significant internal stress because their external behaviour does not match their internal state, causing emotional exhaustion.
• Personal relationships – a person remains in an unhealthy relationship because they feel obligated to, but it does not align with their true feelings. They act fine to avoid conflict but experience internal conflict and dissatisfaction. Over time, this incongruence can erode the relationship’s foundation.
• Life goals – an individual sets goals that reflect societal expectations rather than personal desires, which creates a sense of unfulfillment and confusion about their path in life.

Recognising and addressing incongruence is essential for achieving greater self-acceptance and living a more authentic and fulfilling life.

How to Cultivate Congruence

Individuals can cultivate congruence by aligning their thoughts, feelings and actions to live more authentically and harmoniously. Some examples of strategies that can help them develop congruence include:

Self-reflection

• Regularly reflecting on their values, beliefs, and desires can help them understand where their real self diverges from their ideal self.
• Journaling can explore thoughts and feelings.
• Self-assessment tools and feedback from trusted friends, therapists, or mentors can also be useful.

Self-acceptance

• Embrace strengths and weaknesses without judgment.
• Practice self-compassion by recognising that everyone has strengths and areas for growth.
• Avoid harsh self-criticism and, instead, focus on personal growth and learning.
• Be kind to themselves when they recognise incongruence and understand that it is a natural part of growth and self-improvement.

Mindfulness

• Practice mindfulness to stay grounded in the present moment and enhance awareness of their internal state.
• This awareness can make it easier for them to recognise and connect with their genuine feelings and thoughts.
• Techniques, e.g. meditation and deep breathing, can help them connect with their true self.
• The NHS has further information on mindfulness here.

Therapy

• Working with a trained therapist or counsellor can help identify incongruences and develop strategies to align actions with their true self.
• Therapists and counsellors can provide a safe space to explore values, goals and behaviours.
• They could join a support group to share experiences and learn from others.

Authenticity and consistency

• Express their true thoughts and feelings in their interactions with others and avoid people-pleasing behaviours that lead to inauthenticity.
• Ensure any actions align with their values and beliefs and make decisions that reflect their true desires and priorities.
• Pay close attention to their own reactions and those of others during conversations, which helps to understand and express their true self.

Congruence in Everyday Life

We use congruence in everyday life in many ways, often without even realising it. Here are some examples of congruence in action:

Living according to personal values

• Choosing a career that aligns with your ethical beliefs, values and passions. For example, someone creative and innovative becomes an artist instead of following a traditional career path.
• Spending time on hobbies and activities that bring joy and fulfilment.
• Prioritising activities and practices that nurture your mental, emotional and physical well-being.

Making decisions that reflect authentic desires and goals

• Setting personal goals based on what you genuinely want to achieve, not what others expect from you. For example, someone passionate about environmental sustainability might reduce their carbon footprint by adopting a zero-waste lifestyle, even if it requires more effort and goes against societal norms.
• Saying no to commitments or requests that do not resonate with your true self.

Building relationships based on honesty and mutual respect

• Communicating openly and honestly with friends, family, and colleagues. If something bothers you, you express it kindly rather than suppressing it to avoid conflict.
• Establishing boundaries to protect your well-being and respect others’ boundaries as well.

These examples show how congruence leads to a more authentic and fulfilling life. When our actions, decisions, and relationships align with our true selves, we experience greater satisfaction and harmony, reduce internal conflict and enhance overall well-being.

Congruence Beyond Therapy

Congruence extends beyond therapy and has valuable applications in various areas of psychology. Here are some examples:

• Education – educators and counsellors can help students discover their strengths and interests, guiding them to choose academic and career paths that align with their abilities and aspirations. This can lead to a more motivated and engaged learning experience and enhanced satisfaction and performance. It can also help them develop a tailored curriculum – aligned with students’ values and goals.
• Workplace psychology  – in the workplace, congruence involves ensuring that employees’ roles and responsibilities align with their personal values, interests and skills. This alignment can enhance job satisfaction, productivity and overall workplace harmony (Graham et al. 2015) and also reduce stress and burnout. Also, training leaders and managers to understand and practice congruence can foster a more authentic and supportive work environment and promote transparency and mutual respect.
• Personal development – congruence serves as a compass for personal growth, encouraging individuals to make choices that reflect their true selves, which can lead to more fulfilling life experiences and continuous self-improvement. Personal development practices such as goal setting, self-reflection, self-assessment and seeking feedback can help maintain this alignment throughout life.

By embracing congruence in these areas, we can create environments that foster authenticity, motivation, and well-being. It can also lead to more satisfying and productive experiences, both personally and professionally.  

Conclusion

Congruence in psychology refers to the alignment between our self-concept (how we view ourselves) and our experiences (how we act and what happens to us) and is fundamental to fostering well-being and authenticity. The concept is particularly significant in the field of humanistic psychology and is closely associated with Carl Rogers.

When we live congruently, we align our actions with our core values and beliefs and experience a sense of inner harmony and peace, which positively impacts our mental and emotional health. Congruence helps us build genuine relationships, make authentic decisions, and pursue goals that truly resonate with our values. It also reduces internal conflict, boosting self-acceptance and confidence. Conversely, incongruence can lead to feelings of discomfort, anxiety and psychological distress because of a mismatch between our self-concept and experiences.

Congruence is a key concept in therapy used to help individuals achieve greater self-awareness and alignment. Therapists and counsellors guide clients in exploring and aligning their true selves with their actions, promoting emotional healing and personal growth. Beyond therapy, congruence is equally vital in everyday life. It influences our career choices, relationships, everyday decision-making and personal development, guiding us towards a more fulfilling and authentic existence.

Fostering congruence involves creating supportive environments in education, workplaces, therapy settings and the community. Encouraging individuals to reflect on their values and align their actions with their true selves is key to fostering well-being and authenticity. Take a moment to reflect on your own level of congruence and ask yourself:

• Do my daily actions align with my core values and beliefs?
• Do my relationships reflect honesty and mutual respect?
• Am I authentic in my relationships and communication?
• Are my goals and aspirations truly my own or influenced by external pressures?

It is important to take steps toward greater alignment, which you can achieve by regularly assessing your values, beliefs and goals and writing them down to make them more concrete. Make conscious efforts to align your thoughts, feelings and actions to cultivate a more congruent and harmonious life. Embrace authenticity, seek support when needed and strive for alignment in all aspects of your life. Remember, cultivating congruence is a journey, not a destination.