Managing Stress and Anxiety in Parenthood

Introduction

While being a parent is an exciting and enjoyable experience, it is no easy feat, and they can face many challenges, worries and concerns. All parents will have numerous demands placed on them, and having children can be stressful. It can be even more difficult for parents who are alone with limited support and who have children with physical or mental health conditions and challenging behaviour.

Parental stress and anxiety can affect both mothers and fathers, significantly impact their physical and mental health and well-being, and can also adversely affect their children. According to a review by Fang et al. (2022), parenting stress can negatively impact parents, children, and their families’ health.

A poll conducted by Unicef in 2022 found that 59% of parents in Britain said they were struggling with their mental health. The personal well-being in the UK estimates found high anxiety levels for parents with dependent children (23.5%). According to the Mental Health Foundation, 68% of women and 57% of men with mental health problems are parents. Therefore, stress and anxiety among parents are widely prevalent.

Whether you are currently a parent or a caregiver or have a baby on the way, this blog will provide you with practical tips and strategies for managing stress and anxiety while navigating the responsibilities of raising children.

Understanding Parental Stress and Anxiety

Stress – “how we react when we feel under pressure or threatened (Mind).

Anxiety – a feeling of unease, like worry or fear, that can be mild or severe (NHS inform).

Parental stress and anxiety are worry, fear and stress associated with the demands of parenting or caregiving. It can result in parents thinking negatively and avoiding certain situations because of their concerns and the distress and discomfort their worries cause. They may also start to experience physical symptoms and problems with their mental health.

Some common triggers and contributing factors can include:

• Fear of the unknown, especially for new parents.
• Concerns regarding children’s health, safety, learning, development, academic performance, behaviour and well-being.
• Unrealistic expectations and self-doubt.
• A lack of social support and loneliness.
• Low income and financial issues.
• Issues at work.
• Strained relationships and conflicts.
• A lack of sleep and rest, especially with infants, and fatigue.
• Existing mental health problems, e.g. anxiety disorders or maternal depression.
• Adverse childhood experiences.
• Conflicting demands, e.g. work, family time and leisure time.
• Maternal depression.

Parental stress and anxiety are not uncommon. According to Fang et al. (2022), around 36–50% of parents have concerns about parenting, child behaviour or child development.

A UK survey conducted by Unicef found the following (Politics.co.uk):

• 61% reported struggling with their mental health since becoming a parent.
• Many said they had felt overwhelmed (49%), anxious (43%), unsupported (36%) and lonely (26%) all or a lot of the time in the last year.

Stress and anxiety can significantly impact parental well-being, relationships, and parenting practices.

• Parental well-being – prolonged stress and anxiety can negatively affect parent’s well-being and cause chronic physical and mental health issues, such as depression, high blood pressure, obesity, cardiovascular disease and diabetes. According to Fang et al. (2022), there is a link between an increase in parental depression, anxiety and fatigue and those experiencing higher parenting stress levels.
• Relationships – stress and anxiety can affect people in different ways, but they can put significant strain on relationships. Some may get irritable and snappy; others may become withdrawn or overbearing and want constant reassurance. It can result in regular arguments, feelings of neglect, erosion of trust and even breakups.
• Parenting practices – stress and anxiety can significantly impact parenting practices. It can lead to parents being short-tempered, inconsistent, and not maintaining boundaries. They may struggle to remain calm and show warmth and affection. It can adversely affect children and their emotional, social and behavioural development, leading to poor academic performance and difficulties later in life.

Identifying Signs of Stress and Anxiety

Parents, other family members and friends should look out for the signs and symptoms of parental stress and anxiety, such as:

• Difficulty relaxing or concentrating.
• Getting upset easily.
• Fatigue.
• Lacking interest and pleasure.
• Feeling constantly worried and fearful.
• Feeling agitated.
• Hopelessness.
• Being more irritable and impatient.
• Being overprotective.
• Difficulty sleeping.
• Physical symptoms, e.g. headaches, nausea, dizziness and skin reactions.
• Avoiding safe situations believed to be harmful.
• Vocalising worries and stress to others.
• Struggling to make decisions.
• Feeling overwhelmed.

The symptoms may be worse when separated from their children.

Recognising and acknowledging stress and anxiety levels can help parents maintain their health and well-being and support their children. They can do this by the following:

• Understand the signs and symptoms of parental anxiety and stress.
• Be self-aware and pay attention to emotions.
• Identify their triggers and be prepared.
• Acknowledge their feelings and be honest with themselves on how they are feeling.
• Practice relaxation techniques, such as meditation, mindfulness and deep breathing, to stay present, reflect, and understand their emotions and reactions.
• Ensure they make time for self-care, i.e. activities they enjoy.
• Seek support from others, such as family and friends, or a mental health professional, such as a counsellor.

Self-Care for Parents

Parents should look after their bodies and mind by practising self-care. It is about taking care of the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects of their life to promote health and wellness (Bottaro, 2023). If they do not take the time to look after themselves, it can make them feel overwhelmed, tired and stressed, and can lead to burnout and mental health issues. CPD Online College has more information on parental burnout and its effects here.

Self-care is vital in managing stress and anxiety, especially for parents, and they must never feel guilty or worried about taking time for themselves. It will help them regulate their emotions, recharge their batteries and give them the energy they need to look after their children and family. It is essential for their well-being and those around them.

If parents practice self-care, it also sets a good example and teaches their children the importance of getting a balance in their lives.

Here are some examples of practical self-care strategies parents can adopt:

Eat a healthy and balanced diet – food is our fuel, so eat healthily and have good nutrition to boost health and well-being. Also, remember to stay well hydrated and avoid alcohol and caffeine where possible. Some tips are on the following:

• British Nutrition Foundation – A healthy balanced diet.
• British Nutrition Foundation – Healthy eating for new parents.
• NHS – Eating a balanced diet.

Practice good sleep hygiene habits – while it can be tricky to get sufficient sleep, especially with younger children, it is vital to prioritise sleep. The NHS has some great tips on how to get better sleep here.

Exercise regularly – exercise can improve mood and is great for overall physical and mental health and well-being. Find an enjoyable exercise. There are numerous exercise videos on YouTube and some further tips on NHS – Keeping fit and healthy with a baby.

Take time for enjoyable activities – these may be simple things, such as a relaxing bubble bath, listening to music, making a cup of tea, reading, watching films or specific hobbies, socialising or leisure activities. Trying new activities can also help, e.g. arts and crafts, gardening, sports, walking, volunteering, spending time in nature, etc.

Integrating these self-care practices into daily routines can help parents look after their and their family’s well-being. BBC Bitesize has further self-care tips here.

Effective Communication and Support Systems

Open communication is where individuals express their thoughts and ideas. It is vital for parents to openly communicate with each other and their children, as it can foster trust, promote understanding, enhance relationships and help to resolve conflicts. It also enables them to parent effectively, provide appropriate support and set a good example where children learn communication skills that will help them in their lives.

Support networks include people and communities who offer advice and emotional and physical support. They are also vital, as parents can often feel isolated and alone, which can contribute to stress and anxiety. It provides opportunities to connect with other parents and professionals, share experiences and strategies, and seek advice in a safe space without judgment. For example, they may have a child who is a fussy eater, and others may have tips.

Parents should communicate their needs and feelings to their partners, family members, and friends, and they can do this by:

• Creating a safe space – a non-judgemental and welcoming environment makes everyone feel comfortable to express their views and feel valued and respected. It is especially vital when discussing challenging topics.
• Set and communicate boundaries and expectations – they should clarify these so people know where they stand and how to behave to avoid conflicts.
• Being open, honest and transparent – they should openly share their needs, feelings and thoughts and encourage others to do the same.
• Active listening – they should listen intently to what others say and not just hear the words. It is about giving the person their full attention, not interrupting, listening without judgment, being mindful of non-verbal cues and responding empathetically.
• Choose the right time – they should set aside time to talk without disruptions.
• Being emotionally aware – they should understand and manage their own emotions when communicating with others. It is important to avoid disagreements and conflicts and find solutions together if there are any issues.

When parents feel stressed or anxious, they may have difficulties communicating alone and require additional support. There are parenting support groups they could join, or they may want to seek professional counselling. There are many benefits associated with these approaches, as they can:

• Offer information and resources that can help or signpost to others who can assist. It can enhance parent’s knowledge and skills.
• Provide opportunities for parents to connect with like-minded people going through similar situations. Knowing other parents are experiencing challenges can provide reassurance.
• Provide emotional support and offer advice and insights to help solve parenting issues.
• Give reassurance that they are not alone and validate their experiences, which can boost confidence, self-esteem and overall well-being.

Setting Realistic Expectations

When someone has unrealistic expectations, they cannot see the difficulties or truth about a situation and their beliefs are not factual. They can also believe that someone should behave in a certain way, i.e. parents should stop their children from crying in a shop or cafe.

Unrealistic expectations have a significant role in contributing to parental stress and anxiety, as they tend to be rigid and inflexible. Whether parents set these expectations themselves or children, other family members, friends or society set them, they can lead to feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem and confidence, burnout and mental health issues. It can also negatively impact children if parents set too high standards and unattainable goals.

Setting realistic expectations is crucial, which can be achieved by:

• Setting realistic goals, being organised and managing time effectively.
• Practising self-care and self-compassion.
• Seeking support from family, friends, other parents and professionals.
• Not making comparisons to other parents, especially on social media.
• Remembering every family is unique and trusting instincts on their parenting styles and what is best for the children.
• Being flexible and adaptable by being open to change and adjusting to changing situations.
• Remembering there is no such thing as a perfect parent or family, and realising that everyone makes mistakes along the way.

All parents face demands in parenthood, and it is vital to not feel alone in the parenting journey. Life is imperfect, and some things are truly out of our control. If parents embrace this and learn to be adaptable and flexible, it will help them face challenges or unexpected situations.

Time Management and Organisation

Time management and organisation are crucial skills to develop as a parent. Time management is about using and controlling the time available, setting realistic targets and working effectively to achieve goals. Organisational skills mean using available resources to effectively and efficiently complete tasks and achieve goals.

Parents will face various demands, and there can be a lot of juggling. Therefore, they should manage their time and organise their priorities to prevent stress and anxiety. Here are some examples of strategies they can use to help:

Establish a routine

• Create a daily routine for bedtime, mealtimes and other activities to create structure, enhance efficiency and create stability.

Set realistic goals

• Look at what is feasible daily and be realistic about the time available.
• Be careful not to overcommit and focus on the important things.

Plan effectively

• Look at what tasks need doing and plan the day/week.
• Use daily or weekly planners and to-do lists.
• Ask if flexible working is available if working full-time.

Prioritise

• There is always something to do but prioritise and focus on the most important and urgent tasks first.
• Everything can seem like a priority. However, think about what is important/not important and priority/non-priority.

Do not be afraid to delegate

• Try not to take on everything and delegate tasks to partners, family members, older children, friends or even trusted neighbours.
• Always ask for help, even from professionals, such as child carers.
• Children could help with certain tasks where they will also learn new skills.

Practice self-care

• Make time to practice self-care.
• Take regular breaks wherever possible and have sufficient leisure time.

Some tips for creating schedules, routines, and to-do lists to reduce feelings of overwhelm are as follows:

• Break larger tasks into smaller and manageable chunks.
• Separate short and long-term goals.
• Group similar tasks together, such as meal planning and shopping.
• Automate repetitive tasks where possible, e.g. online grocery shopping and paying bills.
• Set deadlines to keep on track with tasks, but do not be too rigid.
• Try to incorporate tasks where possible, e.g. if parents have a dog, perhaps they could take them for a walk and do outdoor activities with their children.
• Use paper planners, family calendars, diaries and timetables.
• Use technology, e.g. shared calendars, apps and appointment alerts.
• Use various time management techniques, such as the Pomodoro method and time blocking, and choose one that works best.
• Allow for flexibility and adjust schedules where necessary, e.g. for unexpected situations.

Mindfulness and Stress Reduction Techniques

Parents can incorporate mindfulness and stress reduction techniques to help reduce and alleviate stress and anxiety.

• Mindfulness – “paying more attention to the present moment – to your own thoughts and feelings, and to the world around you” (NHS). Mind has further information on mindfulness here.
• Stress reduction techniques – are tools to reduce stress and the associated negative effects.

There has been plenty of research on the benefits of mindfulness and stress reduction techniques. Some of these benefits include:

• Becoming more aware of what is going on around us.
• Gaining a better understanding of ourselves.
• Increasing emotional resilience and remaining calm, even in challenging situations.
• Improving memory and attention.
• Promoting mental and physical health and well-being.
• Enhancing self-regulation.
• Helping to manage common mental health problems, such as stress, anxiety and depression (Mind).

Parents can try some of the following tools and techniques:

Meditation – there are numerous types of meditation, and some also incorporate mindfulness. The NHS has information on how to meditate for beginners here. There are also specific apps, such as Calm and Headspace, and plenty of videos on YouTube to get started.

Deep breathing exercises – breathing deeply and slowly can alleviate stress and anxiety. Like meditation, there are many types of breathing, such as box, diaphragmatic, 4-7-8 breathing, alternate nostril, etc. Here are some links with instructions:

• BHF – 3 breathing exercises to relieve stress.
• Headspace – breathing exercises to reduce stress.
• NHS – Breathing exercises for stress

Progressive muscle relaxation (PMR) – involves tensing and relaxing the muscles. MindWell gives an example of using this technique here.

Parents can do some of the above activities with their children to boost their physical and mental well-being. Barnardo’s has some great ideas on activities to do with children here. There is also yoga, forest bathing, sound baths, journaling, Qigong, Tai Chi and many other activities they could try to reduce stress and anxiety.

Parenting Strategies for Stress Reduction

All parents are likely to experience stress and anxiety at some point, as parenting is demanding and challenging. However, they must reduce stress and anxiety where possible to prevent harmful impacts to themselves, their children, partners and family. Here are some examples of parenting strategies that may help:

Practice self-compassion

• Parents should be kind to themselves and recognise that parenting is hard and no one is perfect. It will help parents take care of themselves, thus improving their parenting.
• Recognising the signs and symptoms of stress and anxiety and practising self-care is vital.
• Nuffield Health has further information on this in their guide to self-kindness and compassion.

Use positive reinforcement

• When children display desired behaviours, reward them, i.e. with encouragement, praise, things they enjoy, etc.
• Ignore or redirect undesired behaviours.
• Avoid punishment where possible and criticise the behaviour, not the child.

Set and maintain boundaries

• Children and even other adults need to understand acceptable and unacceptable behaviours.
• Set rules and boundaries, be consistent and appreciate that children also have boundaries.
• Be firm when enforcing rules and boundaries and balance it with empathy and compassion.
• Ensure children understand the consequences if they break the rules or cross boundaries.
• Do not be afraid to say no.

Effectively and openly communicate

• Always be open and honest with children.
• Use age-appropriate language when talking and actively listen to them to make them feel safe and valued.
• It will help build trust, create mutual understanding, enhance emotional connection and strengthen bonds.
• Encourage children to be more open, especially as they get older.

Reframe challenging behaviour

• Avoid reacting negatively but see challenging behaviour as a learning and growth opportunity.
• If feeling angry, step away and do some breathing exercises.

Play with children

• According to Unicef, playing with children and having fun moments can relieve stress.
• Involve children in age-appropriate tasks to reduce pressure and teach them essential life skills.

Parents should always seek help and support if they feel overwhelmed, burned out, stressed or anxious.

Further information

• Barnardo’s Family Space – Routines and boundaries.
• UNICEF Parenting – How to communicate effectively with your young child.

Seeking Professional Support

If parents do not manage and reduce their stress and anxiety, it can adversely affect their mental and physical health and well-being. It can lead to burnout, depression and other issues, which can have a knock-on effect on partners, children, family and friends. Therefore, seeking professional support for managing parental stress and anxiety is essential, especially if experiencing significant distress.

Professional support can include:

Mental health services – the NHS has further information on accessing mental health services here. There is also information on finding therapy or counselling on Mind.

Counselling – parents can visit their GP if they have concerns about stress and anxiety, who may refer them to a counsellor. Some private counsellors offer various services, but there is a cost, with sessions being around £50 per hour. There may be some charities that can provide free or low-cost counselling.

Talking therapies – there are options to access therapy services through the NHS, and parents can self-refer, meaning they do not have to go to a GP first. The NHS has further information and details on self-referrals here.

Help from charities – numerous charities can provide support for parents suffering from stress, anxiety and other mental health issues. For example:

• Anxiety UK.
• Family Action.
• Mental Health Matters.
• Mental Health UK.
• Mind.
• YoungMinds.

Professionals have a wealth of experience regarding mental health and well-being. They can help parents better understand stress and anxiety and identify the triggers and causes. They may also assist with finding some coping mechanisms and strategies and signpost to other services, such as support groups.

Conclusion

There is no doubt that parenting is demanding and challenging and can even test the patience of the calmest people. Every parent or caregiver will experience stress and anxiety at some point in their parenting journey. However, it is vital to deal with it if it arises to prevent the negative impacts on their and their family’s physical and mental well-being.

There are many things parents can do to reduce and manage stress and anxiety. Firstly, they should understand parental stress and anxiety to identify the signs and symptoms so they can take the appropriate action. They should prioritise their own well-being, practice self-care, and effectively communicate with their partner, family, friends and children, or seek external support via professionals or networks if they feel stressed or anxious.

Parents should set realistic expectations and develop good time management and organisation skills. Various techniques can help, including mindfulness and stress reduction tools, to boost their well-being. They should find the strategies that work for them and their family and always seek professional support.

Please remember, there is no perfect parent, child or family, and take each day as it comes. Try to embrace the imperfect, adapt and be flexible. Parents can implement the strategies discussed in this blog post and seek support when needed to navigate the challenges of parenthood with resilience and grace.

Here are some links with further information that may be useful:

• Action For Children – Parenting support services.
• NSPCC – Support & advice for parents.
• UNICEF Parenting – How to reduce stress.
• YoungMinds – Parents Mental Health Support.